No Flag Big Enough for the Flag
I did not have a choice from birth, and if you did not just visit the church but let it move into your bloodstream, rearrange the furniture, and start pretending it owned the deed, the whole thing does not blow up all at once. It corrodes. Slow. Quiet. Internal. Like acid under paint. Not because you wanted to sin. Not because you wanted to rebel. Not because you got lazy and wandered off into secular decadence with a paperback and a bad attitude (while at times I did). Because you actually looked.
I did not come to theology as some smug little vandal trying to scratch graffiti on the walls of faith. I came to it as a believer. I studied because I wanted to get closer to the fire, closer to the source, closer to whatever people in those rooms kept calling Truth with a capital T. I was not only raised, trained, and indoctrinated; I participated wholeheartedly in that same act. However, the veils really begin to tear when you actually dig into what you believe.
You find a human process. You find disputes, arguments, doctrinal fights, and institutional power. You find councils settling theological conflict inside history, not outside it. Nicaea, for example, mattered enormously for doctrine, but not because it was some magic day when certainty floated down on a cloud and signed itself into permanence. It was a council, with bishops, controversy, politics, and authority doing what authority always does when men think they are managing the gates of eternity (1). And once you see that, the whole performance of absolute certainty starts looking less like revelation and more like an episode of Game of Thrones.
That does not prove there is no God. It does prove the certainty is dirty. And if there is one drug that certainty loves. It’s power. The preferred narcotic of the elite.
Then you get to the part people hate talking about: the “proof.” The healings. The miracles. The testimonies. The sanctuary stories where somebody says God touched their body, their mind, their grief, their rent payment, their bad knee, their daughter, their marriage, their soul. I have been in those rooms. I know that voltage. I know what it feels like when a whole crowd starts vibrating on the same frequency and calling it heaven.
But here is the problem. That experience is not exclusive to Christianity. Reports of healing, divine encounter, spiritual transformation, and altered states show up across traditions. Scholars of charismatic healing, Hindu religious life, and comparative religion have been pointing that out for a long time (2, 3). The same basic human testimony keeps resurfacing in different costumes, on different stages, under different names for God. And if essentially the same experience appears beneath competing doctrines, then the experience itself cannot function as proof that any one tribe holds the deed to ultimate truth. I use the word tribe deliberately, because tribal behavior is territorial, reactive, and often willing to turn existential fear into violence.
At that point, the ground shifts. Because now you are not dealing with certainty anymore. You are dealing with human consciousness, expectation, ritual, environment, meaning, and maybe something real moving underneath all of it, but not something any one institution can honestly claim to own. Even placebo research has shown that belief and expectation can produce measurable effects in the body, which means not every felt transformation can be lazily stamped CERTIFIED BY GOD and shoved into an altar-call filing cabinet (4).
And this is where the knife goes in: to stand in the middle of all that complexity and still say, “No. My version is the only version. My doctrine is the final doctrine. My team has the last word on the architecture of reality,” is not courage. It is cowardice. Because courage says, Maybe I do not know. Courage says, Maybe I have touched something real but named it badly. Courage says, Maybe the source is bigger than my church, my denomination, my seminary, my favorite translation, my political party, my nation, and my frightened little appetite for certainty.
But that is exactly what systems built on authority cannot tolerate. The second you admit uncertainty, the velvet rope drops. The hierarchy wobbles. The man behind the pulpit stops sounding like a prophet and starts sounding like a franchise owner trying to protect a regional market. It sounds like the people with the money and the whips when they start to collapse.
And then we get the ugliest mutation of all: Christian nationalism. That synthetic little monster is what happens when fear puts on a cross necklace and crawls into the machinery of the state. It is what happens when people confuse political dominance for righteousness and call the merger holy. But the irony is almost funny, if it were not so poisonous. The very texts Christian nationalists use are in no way logical or do they follow the teachings of Jesus.
In the Gospel of John, Jesus says his kingdom is not of this world (5, John 18.36). In the Synoptic tradition, he separates what belongs to Caesar from what belongs to God (5, Matt. 22.21; Mark 12.17; Luke 20.25). In Leviticus, the stranger is not supposed to be treated like a contaminant but like the native-born, and in Micah the center of gravity is justice, mercy, and humility, not domination by the pious with good branding (5, Lev. 19.34; Mic. 6.8). The Qur’an says there is no compulsion in religion and frames human difference as part of the human condition, not as a glitch to be beaten out of society by holy bureaucrats (6, 2.256; 49.13).
That does not mean every religion is secretly the same. It does not mean every text is harmless. It does not mean every tradition has not also been used by frightened men with flags, weapons, bad tans, and fragile egos. Real faith is not the tantrum of someone demanding certainty. It is the maturity to put away childish things and admit the mystery is bigger than you. The need to possess total certainty is not a sign of depth.
And when somebody says they possess the final truth, the only truth, the exclusive truth, and therefore deserve cultural and political power over everybody else, what they are really telling you is not that they have seen God clearly. They are telling you they are terrified of ambiguity. Terrified that maybe the source is bigger than their language for it. Terrified that maybe what they call conviction is just inherited theater with a security team. Terrified that maybe God does not fit inside a nation-state any more than the ocean fits inside a shot glass.
I still believe there is something there. I still think consciousness matters. I still think there is a source, a depth, something real moving under the floorboards of this wonderful strange carnival we call existence. But I do not trust anybody who says they have mapped it perfectly. And I damn sure do not trust anybody who wants to weaponize that claim.
If your faith cannot survive the sentence “Maybe I am wrong,” then it is not faith. It is terror pretending to be conviction. And if your god needs the state to make people submit, then maybe what sits on your altar was never God at all. Maybe it was power draped in the image of a man carrying a cross, all while sanctioning genocide.
Source Spine
- (1) “First Council of Nicaea.” Encyclopaedia Britannica. Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc. Accessed 31 Mar. 2026.
- (2) Thomas J. Csordas, The Sacred Self: A Cultural Phenomenology of Charismatic Healing. U of California P, 1997.
- (3) Gavin Flood, An Introduction to Hinduism. Cambridge UP, 1996.
- (4) Fabrizio Benedetti, Placebo Effects: Understanding the Mechanisms in Health and Disease. Oxford UP, 2014.
- (5) The Holy Bible. New American Bible, Revised Edition, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. Accessed 31 Mar. 2026.
- (6) The Qur’an. Quran.com. Accessed 31 Mar. 2026.